October - National Sarcasm Month

Apparently, it is. I guess it would be appropriate to make a blog entry before the month passes me by like the memories of yesteryear, no?

Big news first - I'm going to Winnipeg in January! Now, before you send me sympathy cards, I should inform you that, yes, this is actually part of Trevor's overall plan to conquer the universe. Winnipeg, aside from being the stab-you-in-the-back-alley-with-a-rusted-butter-knife capital of Canada, is also the home of Definitely Not the Opera - the CBC radio show that "explores the nooks and crannies of pop culture," according to their website. This week there's tips on avoiding zombie attacks and a review of the new Alexander Payne movie, Sideways. (Payne's the guy who made Election and About Schmidt, if you didn't know.) Anyways, it's on Saturday afternoons, from one to three on Radio One, so unless you have a Delorean and a flux capacitor you likely missed this week's show. But tune in. Because I'll be rocking the joint.

Slightly less gargantuan news second - Della and I went to Pontiac, Michigan to see Death Cab for Cutie play two weekends ago. Pontiac may ring a bell to those Saskatonians who had cable and watched the bloody, over-the-top Detroit news stations when they were younger (which likely resulted in a phobia of leaving one's house after, say, three in the afternoon), because it's one of the Motor City's many suburbs. Death Cab were great, playing a bunch of stuff off their new album and apologizing to all the Canadians in the crowd that they couldn't make it up to Toronto on this tour. The opening act was Travis Morrison (former lead singer of the Dismemberment Plan) and, let's be honest, he has more funk than any white boy can rightfully claim to possess. Awesome, awesome show put on by both.

In conclusion, here are some tips for surviving Detroit:

• Try not to trip and skin your knees on the acres of grey, soul-destroying concrete.
• Greyhound workers in Detroit coined the term "sass." Approach with caution. Avoid wasting their time with ridiculously vapid questions like "Can I buy a ticket to Pontiac?"
• The bus to Pontiac drops you off in the middle of nowhere. If you walk left, you end up downtown in civilization. If you walk right, you end up in a sea of body shops and carwashes where crack-addled deviants run stop signs and take aim at hapless Canadians with their Sunfires. Guess which way we walked.
• If you're extra friendly to the Subway guy two blocks south of the Detroit station, he'll give you his surplus tuna for your sandwich.
• Don't fidget in your pockets while at customs or they will deport you to Syria.

That's all. Happy Hallowe'en. Remember, a darkened house means more candy for you to eat and less for the undeserving brats.

T.